Sunday, November 12, 2006


Today, I thought a lot about kids.

As I was tracing my two oldest's hands on poster board so that they could then color in their Thanksgiving turkeys, a lot of damned strong emotions, thoughts, and random "stuff" came to mind. You see, I come from a family of ones or twos. Both of my sisters have a single child, and do not have any desire to have another. Well, at least one of my sisters does not want another, I'm not real sure about the other. That's one side of the family. On the other, I have a sister who has a baby, and one with no kids, and I don't really know what they eventually want. My brother is unmarried and, as far as I know, there are no children out there anywhere. I am not being critical, as they have the number of kids that they feel thay can have, and I am, truly, happy for them and their families. I also know, beyond a doubt, that they love their kids tremendously.

I love all of my nieces and my nephew and only wish that I could spend more time with them all. I had a blast with my nephew when he was out here two years ago and am proud to be his uncle - my sister has done a great job - all of my sisters have. My "problem" is this: wanting more kids!

Melissa and I have three absolutely beautiful children. My son recently turned five, my oldest daughter three, and my youngest daughter will be a year old next month. I cannot count the number of times people, often strangers, have asked if we are done -NO! Most of my family seems happy with the abundance of children that we have decided upon, after all, my wife has so many aunts and uncles that it is sometimes hard to keep up with everyone. Often, however, I find myself almost defending the fact that we are open to, yes, a fourth child, maybe a fifth child, maybe even (GASP!) a sixth child. We are open to whatever God decides we can handle.

You see, we don't really need all of the "toys." If the kids don't have all of the newest video games, or Hilfiger, or whatever is "cool" at the time, who really gives a flip? As for us, we don't need a huge house, and two brand new cars, and tv's and computers for each room. My siblings are happy with their decisions, and I am happy for them - I want his made clear. They, and other one- or two -kid families, have made their decisions. They are happy, as well they should be, and I am really happy for them, and I want them to know that. But don't criticize us for wanting a large family.

When you ask if we are done, and I say "no," don't roll your eyes at me. Don't ask how we are going to pay for them. Don't say "Do you know how expensive kids can be?" (Yes, I do, and it doesn't matter - you don't have to pay for them.) Don't say "But don't you want a new..., or to be able to do..." I really don't want to hear it. Go to my wifes blog and look at my son, look at my daughters. If we had decided to not have kids, or to stop at one, those beautiful, smart, funny, amazing kids would not be a part of this wonderful, enormous world that we all call home, and that would be truly a sad thing.

So be happy for us. We are open to life, and are blessed with the kids we have, and the kids yet to come. We can take care of them - we really can - and we don't need all the "stuff" that everyone says we need. Our children - all children - are a gift from God and should be treated as such. Sure, sometimes I want to duct-tape Dylan and throw his skinny butt in the closet, but can I imagine a world without him? Absolutely not!!!

And forty or fifty years from now on Thanksgiving Day when I am, probably, sitting on the porch drooling and waiting for my Depends to be changed by my lovely wife, I will look out across the yard at all of the beautiful grandkids and great grandkids, and know that I have been truly blessed. Children are really an amazing gift, and I'm happy for all that I have, and all that will come.


Blogger He who wears the most black wins. said...

What a beautiful sentiment, Darren, and how perfectly stated. Steve and I struggle with the same comments. I even blogged about it a couple weeks ago!

Good for you. We are taught, as Catholics, to be OPEN to life. Yet, how many really are? How many are deciding for themselves and shoving God's opinion out? I wouldn't give any of our beautiful children back, so who am I to tell God how many more he should give us?

God bless you and Melissa AND your fertility!! It is such a beautiful gift and something that many don't have.

11/13/2006 10:27 AM  
Anonymous Jill said...

Awesome. Just awesome. I really don't hear many men echoing these same sentiments. Sadly, I instead have friends who lament, "I would like more children but my husband has sad absolutely NO." Or, both parents have simply shoved God out of the equation. Thankfully, I have a husband with the same attitude as you, although I'm not sure he would blog about it...well, he doesn't have a blog anyway... :) So, good for you!


11/13/2006 12:14 PM  
Blogger Mom to Almost Four said...

Absolutely wonderfully said! You should talk to my husband!

It gets really fun when people see you out shopping. In my case I am noticably pregnant and am tagging along three others. It's not always the comments, but sometimes the surprise in their face when they realize they're all mine.

I just try to be charitable at the critical comments and sometimes I don't reply with what I would LIKE to say b/c my example is much louder. Besides for some people, it doesn't matter what convincing things you say.

Great entry!

11/13/2006 12:37 PM  
Blogger Barite said...

Thanks to you all for the kind comments. Can't write much, as I'm at work, and don't get paid to blog!!!

I'll try to write a bit more later, though.



11/13/2006 2:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is truly one of the best blog i've ever read. I don't know many men who can write this good on this particular subject.


11/14/2006 1:19 PM  

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