A Bit Personal
I have been reading Jim Harrison's The Raw and the Cooked: Adventure of a Roving Gourmand lately, and while I tend to get a bit, shall we say - perturbed - at his political digs, I really love the way he writes and his phrasing. He is, after all, the author of Legends of the Fall, so his words have a resonance that is all too often missing from the written page (and indeed, from my own novel!!!)
On page 130 of the Grove Press trade paper edition, he writes "If I were twenty one again and knew what I know now, nothing would be different." How many times have we heard "If I were young again...twenty again...able to do it over again..." There is always a qualifier. If only we knew what we knew then, things would be different. However, we often fail to really understand that if, indeed, we were to change our past, to know what we know now, to be able to go back and somehow make different the decisions which have led us to where we are, we would not be who we are. Funny that!
Personally, even though things have been a bit rocky in the past, I would not change any of it, given the chance.
Twenty one years old. Wow, odd to think about that one. I was in the Army, on my way to Germany, with a whole new world awaiting me. This world, these events and experiences that would unfold, made me who I am. The dichotomy of my "Army life" is one that , I think, most who have served their country feel. Long periods of boredom, intense periods of absolutely hating the fact that they are in the damned military, and a profound thankfulness of what it did for them, how it changed them and their perceptions of others, and a satisfaction of doing an important job. Indeed, a pride in wearing the uniform that, really, is hard for many to understand if they have not done it.
I also married while in Germany. I was supposed to go to White Sands Missile Range, as a single soldier, in 1989, but reenlisted to stay in Germany after meeting the woman who would be my first wife. I would file for divorce after about seven absolutely crappy, disastrous years. However, and here is where things really become important. I would not have been here in southern New Mexico at the right time to meet Melissa. You see, when me and "the German" came back to the US in 1991, we were sent to Fort Stewart, Georgia, home of the 24th Infantry Division (at least at the time). They did not need my MOS and the Army sent me out here - to New Mexico.
I arrived in October of 1991 and really had some great experiences at WSMR, working on Patriot, Hawk, and other missile systems. I even had the opportunity to be the Re-enlistment NCO for my unit and soon began to appreciate the history, culture, indeed, the social landscape that makes New Mexico unique. I left the Army in 1994 (there's another blog!!!) and even got to work as a geologist in an Arizona copper mine in 1995, but by 1996 I had had enough and filed for divorce - my marriage was no longer a marriage, it was not even a friendship. We did not talk, did not really care about each other, had nothing in common. I learned much about myself, however, and what was deeply - at the core - important for me.
Anyway, while trying to figure out just who I was and what I wanted I met Melissa. I was truly a lost soul, with no hope for the future, no self esteem, no thoughts to what the future would be for me. Melissa changed that, and helped me find my core, my soul - "Me."
So here we are. I have three beautiful kids, a couple of college degrees, a published book, an incredible life with the woman who makes me who and what I am - real happiness. The degrees, the book, I feel really proud of those, but it is at the personal and family level that I cannot imagine how the changes would affect me.
Would I go back to twenty one years old and change any of it? Absolutely not, as it has all led, one way or another, to tonight, sitting in front of the computer, with Dylan and Caitlyn tucked into their beds, listening to a sleeping Meghan sigh deeply, Melissa reading a book in bed.
Nope, I would not change any of it.
On page 130 of the Grove Press trade paper edition, he writes "If I were twenty one again and knew what I know now, nothing would be different." How many times have we heard "If I were young again...twenty again...able to do it over again..." There is always a qualifier. If only we knew what we knew then, things would be different. However, we often fail to really understand that if, indeed, we were to change our past, to know what we know now, to be able to go back and somehow make different the decisions which have led us to where we are, we would not be who we are. Funny that!
Personally, even though things have been a bit rocky in the past, I would not change any of it, given the chance.
Twenty one years old. Wow, odd to think about that one. I was in the Army, on my way to Germany, with a whole new world awaiting me. This world, these events and experiences that would unfold, made me who I am. The dichotomy of my "Army life" is one that , I think, most who have served their country feel. Long periods of boredom, intense periods of absolutely hating the fact that they are in the damned military, and a profound thankfulness of what it did for them, how it changed them and their perceptions of others, and a satisfaction of doing an important job. Indeed, a pride in wearing the uniform that, really, is hard for many to understand if they have not done it.
I also married while in Germany. I was supposed to go to White Sands Missile Range, as a single soldier, in 1989, but reenlisted to stay in Germany after meeting the woman who would be my first wife. I would file for divorce after about seven absolutely crappy, disastrous years. However, and here is where things really become important. I would not have been here in southern New Mexico at the right time to meet Melissa. You see, when me and "the German" came back to the US in 1991, we were sent to Fort Stewart, Georgia, home of the 24th Infantry Division (at least at the time). They did not need my MOS and the Army sent me out here - to New Mexico.
I arrived in October of 1991 and really had some great experiences at WSMR, working on Patriot, Hawk, and other missile systems. I even had the opportunity to be the Re-enlistment NCO for my unit and soon began to appreciate the history, culture, indeed, the social landscape that makes New Mexico unique. I left the Army in 1994 (there's another blog!!!) and even got to work as a geologist in an Arizona copper mine in 1995, but by 1996 I had had enough and filed for divorce - my marriage was no longer a marriage, it was not even a friendship. We did not talk, did not really care about each other, had nothing in common. I learned much about myself, however, and what was deeply - at the core - important for me.
Anyway, while trying to figure out just who I was and what I wanted I met Melissa. I was truly a lost soul, with no hope for the future, no self esteem, no thoughts to what the future would be for me. Melissa changed that, and helped me find my core, my soul - "Me."
So here we are. I have three beautiful kids, a couple of college degrees, a published book, an incredible life with the woman who makes me who and what I am - real happiness. The degrees, the book, I feel really proud of those, but it is at the personal and family level that I cannot imagine how the changes would affect me.
Would I go back to twenty one years old and change any of it? Absolutely not, as it has all led, one way or another, to tonight, sitting in front of the computer, with Dylan and Caitlyn tucked into their beds, listening to a sleeping Meghan sigh deeply, Melissa reading a book in bed.
Nope, I would not change any of it.
posted by Unknown at 8:55 PM
1 Comments:
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That's a healthy outlook. Kudos!
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